my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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