I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
