What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize