just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
