so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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