Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We have started to decorate penises.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
