escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
