Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
