Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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