Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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