I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
