Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
