i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
