Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I could fuck to npr.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
