I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
