I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
