It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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