maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize