So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
