i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
