from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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