I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize