i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
