I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
