he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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