so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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