I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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