i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
