She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
