It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
