I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
