It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize