More tranny stories later!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
