Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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