I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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