dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
