i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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