So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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