he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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