Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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