i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
