Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
babies were throwing up all over the place
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
