this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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