i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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