If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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