so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
