I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
