she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
