In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
