I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
