you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's just like the Real World with babies
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
