He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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