How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
