my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
