Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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