Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
