what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
