i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
