OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
