As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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