meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
