My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
