Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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