You're a womanizer and a bitch.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
