I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize