Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize