I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
