Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
