...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
