he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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