I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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