What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
